people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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