Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
