If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just invented taco cereal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
