At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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