This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
