WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
