Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
