Please, let me fuck your mom
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
