I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
