hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
