based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
