his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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