My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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