I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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