he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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