Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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