And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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