How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
