You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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