I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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