my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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