So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
