My cat gives me a boner
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
