I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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