Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
