Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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