God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
smell my finger.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
