saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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