Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
