The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
