I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
