yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
