Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
