I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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