Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
