Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
