I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
