well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
