I wish I could teleport
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
