he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize