Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
