she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my poor anus
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
