I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
