Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize