Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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