U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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