I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
