I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
