____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
