No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
