Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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