so that wasnt chicken after all
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
