Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
