kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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