Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
