She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
