no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
where are my eyebrows?
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