on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And then he peed in my hair
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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