look no pants
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He shit in the fireplace
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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