We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
