Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
