Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
