y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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