found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
