While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
