I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize