so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize