Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
