My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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