and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
