I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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