My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My ass is underappreciated
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
