He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
