Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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