Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
