Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
