this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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