I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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