He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
