oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
