your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
