I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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