There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize