so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
