he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize