i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
