I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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