You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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