fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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