and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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