I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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