It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
