dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
