I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
