There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
