My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
