wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
