ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
