What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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