I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
