so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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