Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
