yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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