In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
