i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
