p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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